dirty liar

My lifeline
Is racing
Pulsating vibrating
In and out of time

Ill try and rehearse
These lines I've told
Myself a thousand times
Try to remember

Why I try
Get inside my mind
Try and find
Some clarity
That redefines

Me
Me the one that I see
Not the strange
Awkward ones alwAys see

I feel deeply
I lose sleep
I wake up panicked

Sometimes I ddevide
And conquer
Others I break
And take as much as I can

Sometimes this inner
Pain is overwhelming
It hits sharply
It hits the nerves
So deep

Sometimes I even
Believe the misguided
Words it speaks

Slamming me against
Every raw emotion
Every glare
Every misplaced word

Whispering to me
You cant get it
You dont deserve it

You barely deserve
What you have

Some days I hold a knife to
Its rotten flesh
And hold it a bay

But today today
Is ok